my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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