She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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