Is it because I queefed?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
