Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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