I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
