Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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