the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
