You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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