haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
