There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
