My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
