You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
