i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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