Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
