just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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