i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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