Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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