just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
