I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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