he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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