My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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