Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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