I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
