We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
