Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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