I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
