I'm gonna have a badass scar
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
