I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize