I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
