She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He called his prostate his "boner button".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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