a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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