New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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