Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
