its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
