Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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