Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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