this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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