I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
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you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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