Pappa wants mamma naked
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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