I'm so fucking centered right now
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
