you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
