I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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