i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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