i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have tasted many bathrooms
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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