he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
