Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm too high and old for this...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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