Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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