Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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