U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
