Umm I'm too high to move.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize