I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
