You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
