I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
