The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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