We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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