had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
