she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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