my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
