Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
