haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
