When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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