five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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