Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize