he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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