i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
