she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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